Let’s go clubbing

“I’m convinced that this could be a big hit,” Norway’s new Fisheries Minister, Sven Ludvigsen told reporters, “and could be turned into an exclusive coastal experience for foreign tourists. It’s important to reduce the seal population along our coastline to restore balance, and our tourist industry needs a boost. So why shouldn’t we offer the experience of a lifetime to foreigners who want to go clubbing in the fjords?”

Warming to his theme, Ludvigsen explained that “sea mammals are a bigger consumer of fish than we humans, and we’re shirking responsibility if we adopt the views of Brigitte Bardot. Our fishermen currently have an annual quota of twelve hundred baby seals to cull, but interest in seal clubbing is low, and only half of those are being hunted at present. We sell hunting licenses to tourists so they can shoot moose, so why not let them club baby seals too? It’s fun, and not nearly as messy as you might think. A dedicated hunter could easily club twenty or thirty animals in a week, and we need to kill more seals.”

Aftenposten, 2001-10-01