And now, a word from our sponsor

Sifl: Oh, there you are.

Olly: (Distractedly, looking over shoulder) Oh, hi.

Sifl: Uh… what are you doing?

Olly: I’m looking at my ass.

Sifl: You’re looking at your ass.

Olly: You know how it is. You wake up in the morning, look in the mirror, and think… Is that my big ass?

Sifl: Who else’s ass would it be?

Olly: Because, you know, I didn’t think it was that big. This doesn’t look like my ass.

Sifl: I know you’ve had some big-ass big ass recognition problems.

Olly: But now my problems are over…

Sifl: Really?

Olly: …with the Precious Roy Big-Ass Big Ass Marker Pen Set.

Sifl: How does that work?

Olly: It’s simple. You take the marker and write your name on each cheek.

Sifl: Wouldn’t that rub off when you sit down, though?

Olly: That’s the beauty of Precious Roy. The special ink in these marker pens contains a highly concentrated acid, so the words are burned permanently into your big ass.

Sifl: That’s amazing. Let’s go over to Precious Roy.

Precious Roy: This is Precious Roy! My false teeth are in alphabetical order!

Sifl: Uh, no, Precious Roy, we’re selling the big-ass big ass pen set.

Precious Roy: Buy my crotchless chastity belts! Suckers!

[Jingle: Precious Roy, Precious Roy, making lots of suckers out of girls and boys.]

—Inspired by Dan.