Sifl: Oh, there you are.
Olly: (Distractedly, looking over shoulder) Oh, hi.
Sifl: Uh… what are you doing?
Olly: I’m looking at my ass.
Sifl: You’re looking at your ass.
Olly: You know how it is. You wake up in the morning, look in the mirror, and think… Is that my big ass?
Sifl: Who else’s ass would it be?
Olly: Because, you know, I didn’t think it was that big. This doesn’t look like my ass.
Sifl: I know you’ve had some big-ass big ass recognition problems.
Olly: But now my problems are over…
Sifl: Really?
Olly: …with the Precious Roy Big-Ass Big Ass Marker Pen Set.
Sifl: How does that work?
Olly: It’s simple. You take the marker and write your name on each cheek.
Sifl: Wouldn’t that rub off when you sit down, though?
Olly: That’s the beauty of Precious Roy. The special ink in these marker pens contains a highly concentrated acid, so the words are burned permanently into your big ass.
Sifl: That’s amazing. Let’s go over to Precious Roy.
Precious Roy: This is Precious Roy! My false teeth are in alphabetical order!
Sifl: Uh, no, Precious Roy, we’re selling the big-ass big ass pen set.
Precious Roy: Buy my crotchless chastity belts! Suckers!
[Jingle: Precious Roy, Precious Roy, making lots of suckers out of girls and boys.]
—Inspired by Dan.