Help me find a subculture

I’m too lighthearted to be a goth.

I’m too cynical to be a hippy.

I’m too laidback to be a punk.

I’m too old to be a raver.

I’m too white to be a rapper.

I’m too asthmatic to be a jazz cat.

I’m too smart to be heavy metal.

I’m too bored by endless guitar noodling to be a Deadhead.

I’m too clean to be grunge.