Here are some of the plots against the Republican party being planned by the evil liberal menace, according to Bernadette Malone, a columnist for the National Review and other right-wing publications:

• Releasing swarms of mice to terrorize delegates.
• Dressing up as RNC volunteers and giving false directions to old ladies.
• Hiring prostitutes with AIDS to seduce Republican visitors and persuade them that they don’t need to use condoms.

I hope Crystal remembered to pack the mice.