- Homeless Coffee Tables. It’s hard to juggle a Starbucks latte and an iPad. Let one of our homeless hold the coffee for you while you Tweet what you just overheard.
- Homeless Umbrellas. The weather’s been pretty bad, so why not make use of our special mobile umbrellas? While you focus on your conference program, a homeless will hold an umbrella over your head so you don’t get wet.
- Homeless Bike Racks. Place your front wheel between his legs, he’s been trained to grab hold of it. We’ve given him a six pack of Lone Star so he’s not going anywhere.
- Homeless Ashtrays. Some of you still smoke, but for cost-saving reasons we don’t have ashtrays everywhere in the convention center. Instead, we’ve equipped several homeless with asbestos-woven T-shirts with a pouch at the bottom.
Hey, get off your high horse, they’re employment opportunities don’cha know?