Live from Austin!

When I moved in with rothko, we bought a vacuum cleaner. At the time we were living in a fully carpeted apartment in Malden, MA. Money was tight, so I did some research via Consumer Reports and bought a Sharp vacuum cleaner.

Unfortunately, I overlooked one detail. While excellent on carpets, the vacuum cleaner was entirely unsuitable for hard wood floors. After a couple of years we moved into an apartment with wood floors, and the Sharp took up residency in the basement. But I was loathe to part with it, because it was a perfectly good vacuum cleaner, and vacuum cleaners are expensive.

Then we moved to Texas. The faithful vacuum came with us. It’s still in fine working order, and we now have carpet again, which it does a good job of cleaning. But the problem is, we also have stairs. The trusty Sharp is about as suited to vacuuming stairs as a Dalek. And downstairs is wood floors again.

So for a while now, I’ve had plans to get a vacuum that actually does a good job of hard floors, stairs, and carpet.

Obviously the Dyson range appealed as soon as I saw it. But I heard that the early Dysons were heavy and awkward, and often unreliable. So I waited.

After a couple more years, the Dyson ball was launched, which was more maneuverable. Then this year, the Slim was launched in the USA. It has a smaller version of the ball mechanism in a vacuum that’s light enough to pick up and carry up and down stairs without my back hurting. It also seems as though the reliability issues have been dealt with.

Searching on Google, I saw ads for a company offering “Worst prices on Dyson”, asking “Don’t pick on us”. I wondered whether it was a mistake or a joke, clicked through, and discovered it was an independent retailer in Austin called ABC Vacuum Warehouse. It’s a store I must have driven past dozens of times without ever realizing it was there, partly because it’s in a nondescript shack-like building in front of a warehouse, and partly because the windows are all covered up with blinds so it looks like it has been abandoned. Inside is a small store filled with nothing but vacuum cleaners, accessories for vacuum cleaners, and spares for vacuum cleaners.

At the store’s suggestion we took a look at a Sebo vacuum cleaner as well as the Dyson range. Fine German engineering, but there were a few things I didn’t like. First up, it uses bags and filters. Secondly, the main upright piece detaches from the brush head for cleaning stairs, which sounds good, but I could see it would be annoying and require a lot of bending over to detach and re-attach it. I prefer the Dyson wand, which doesn’t require any bending over at all.

So, DC-18. I took it for a thorough trip around the house this afternoon. It does indeed do a good job on all floors; it’s great on the hard wood floor, will remove the gifts of the pube fairy from the tiled bathrooms, and does at least as good a job as the Sharp on carpet. Time will tell how reliable it is, but so far I’m satisfied: I ended up with a full cylinder of hairy filth.

When I read about Lost, it sounded like exactly the kind of show I’d love. I didn’t watch it. To understand why, we need to look at The X Files.

At some point during the first few seasons of X Files, the writers decided that it would be good for the show if there was an overall story arc involving the alleged extraterrestrial invaders. Initially, they were right. However, shortly after the movie a problem became apparent: the network was never going to allow them to solve the mystery.

Things quickly became ridiculous. The need to keep adding new bits of plot twist to an already confused backstory quickly turned the UFO thread into an unintelligible mess of black liquid, killer agents, swarms of bees, body implants, and superintelligent children.

Then in a three-part episode, in what was originally intended to be the final season (Season 7), Mulder and Scully located wreckage of an alien spaceship, washed ashore on a beach in West Africa. You might have thought that they’d take photographs, get teams of scientists in, and get some answers; but the network’s desire for a neverending plot meant that the following week everything went back to normal—or rather, to a guy with a mysterious hunger for human brains—and the proof of alien existence was casually left on the beach.

At that point, I knew the shark was most definitely jumped. I watched for a while longer, but when Season 8 ended with Scully having her child, that was enough closure for me, and with a sense of relief I stopped watching.

Something very similar happened with Earth: Final Conflict. Season 3 had a multi-part story that turned out to have absolutely zero to do with the ongoing plot; when they followed that with a clip show, I realized the series was being shamelessly padded out to fill time, and I stopped watching.

So when I read the scenario for Lost, I immediately suspected that it would go the same way—that it would start promisingly, but that the network’s demands for a show that never ends would quickly mean that the writers would be forced to jerk the audience around. I figured if I turned out to be wrong, and there was a satisfactory resolution after 2 or 3 seasons, I’d hear about it and could rent the DVDs.

An added disincentive to watching Lost was that it was on one of the major networks. That meant if it was any good, it would almost certainly be killed part-way through a season. It amazes me that ABC, CBS, NBC and FOX will kill a show that doesn’t get mass-market audiences, even if there are complete, paid-for episodes sitting on the shelf. After seeing it happen to Stressed Eric and The New Fantasy Island (much underrated), I had vowed never to watch anything on a major network until it had made it to the end of season 1. If they didn’t kill it, then I’d watch the reruns.

So I’m not surprised to read that Lost is now hemorrhaging viewers as the writers overload it with red herrings. If you’re addicted to the show then I feel sorry for you, because I doubt you’ll ever get a satisfactory ending. Probably once the audience figures drop below a certain level, ABC will kill it mid-season; but in the mean time, they won’t allow any key questions to be answered, because they want to keep their options open. End result: lousy stories.

It’s clearly not impossible to have a series with a long story arc on US television. Babylon 5 managed it (though not without problems), and Star Trek: Deep Space 9 did too. But Lost is more typical: shows either die before everything (or anything) can be resolved satisfactorily (Firefly, Harsh Realm, American Gothic), or they are padded out with endless sub-plots that go nowhere until everyone turns off in disgust (X-Files).

So, is there a way to save future TV mysteries? Yes, but it might hurt: It’s vitally important that you all stop watching Lost, right now. Show ‘em they can’t just jerk you around endlessly.

The John McCain Suspension of Habeas Corpus / Ignore the Geneva Conventions Bill was getting me down this morning, but suddenly things have turned around. From AP news:

In a scandal guaranteed to anger parents, a prominent House Republican has resigned after the revelation that he exchanged raunchy electronic messages with a teenage boy, a former congressional page.

Rep. Mark Foley, R-Florida, who is single, apologized Friday for letting down his family and constituents. [...]

ABC News reported Friday that Foley also engaged in a series of sexually explicit instant messages with current and former pages, all male. In one message, ABC said, Foley wrote to one page, “Do I make you a little horny?”

In another message, Foley wrote, “You in your boxers, too? … Well, strip down and get relaxed.”

Foley, as chairman of the Missing and Exploited Children’s Caucus, had introduced legislation in July to protect children from exploitation by adults over the Internet. He also sponsored other legislation designed to protect minors from abuse and neglect.

“We track library books better than we do sexual predators,” Foley has said.

Wow. Even for a Republican, that’s pretty rich, and nothing gets my schadenfreude going like seeing someone nailed for rank hypocrisy.

Update: He’s a Scientologist. Jackpot!

As you may have heard, the NSA hopes to create a massive database of every single phone call made in the USA. They approached the big phone companies, and they all handed over data about your phone calls except Qwest. No warrants, no questions, they just gave the information away.

[Update 2 days later: If you think it's no big deal, consider that the government is already illegally tapping journalists' phone lines in an attempt to root out leakers and whistleblowers.]

If that bothers you, you could rant about it online. Or, you could consider doing something more productive: if you haven’t already done so, you could switch your long distance to Working Assets, and tell your old long distance provider why. Working Assets are the only phone company to have joined the ACLU in filing a lawsuit to challenge the spying.

(Also, if you do switch, feel free to give them my number as a referral code.)

The controversy over à la carte cable and satellite programming keeps resurfacing. The basic problem is that cable prices keep rising, to the point where the basic level of digital cable is over $50 a month in many places. Prices have risen 40% in the last decade.

(As an aside, I’m amazed at the whiners in the UK who complain about paying £126.50 a year for a TV license that gets them the best premium programming from the US, as well as UK TV. I pay $588 a year to get a similar selection.)

Viewers find it galling to pay for a hundred channels when there are only a handful they watch on a regular basis. Hence there has been a campaign to get the FCC to rule that cable and satellite providers must offer the option of à la carte programming, where you can choose to subscribe to only the channels you actually want.

The cable and satellite companies don’t want to see that happen, as it would eat into their fat profits. Since the same companies own a lot of the mainstream media outlets, I’m constantly seeing astroturf coverage explaining why à la carte programming is impossible, would make your cable bills skyrocket, is tantamount to Communism, and so on.

This is my attempt to cut through a lot of the common bullshit spouted on the subject.

Continue reading »

We’re right in the middle of the city. I discovered a while back that all I had to do was use unshielded speaker wire and I’d pick up AM radio. I checked, and all the TV transmitters are in a cluster less than 10 miles away from us. So, this afternoon while we were out shopping for Christmas meal ingredients, I picked up an $8 UHF loop antenna, plugged it in, put it on the shelf above the TV, and lo—we can get 10 channels of digital TV.

While there’s nothing on ABC, CBS or NBC that I’m going to want to watch, HD or not, this does now mean we can get PBS in HD—at the cost of actually having to watch the programs when they’re on, because the TiVo is SD only.

This evening we watched a program about revolutionary war re-enactors in Massachusetts. I’d always felt like I ought to see the re-enactments, but there was just no way I was going to get out of bed at 5am on a cold spring morning and get the bus out to Lexington.

The whole re-enactment thing seems to be even more bizarre than the SCA. It’s all elaborately scripted—one man was seen being turned down permission to use the word ‘musket’ instead of ‘gun’ in his one line of script. The attention to detail in costume and equipment is painstaking; another man talked about how he ordered the exact correct kind of linen for his uniform, now only available from Russia. And of course, authentic weapons are used too.

But then after all that work, the camera caught them in costume reciting the Pledge of Allegiance. I’ve never studied US history, but even I know that the Pledge of Allegiance wasn’t written until a century after the War of Independence. They might as well have gone into battle singing Springsteen’s “Born in the USA” for all the authenticity they had at that point. Worse, they didn’t even recite the original pledge; they recited the bastardized post-1950s version.

I notice there are a few Vietnam War re-enactment groups. Most seem to be outside the USA so far. I wonder how long it’ll be before we have Iraq war re-enactment groups? “History enthusiast sought. Must have own attack dog. Bring car battery and jump leads.”

If you watch Comedy Central, chances are you’ve seen a strange and irritating message scrolling across the screen recently. It says something about Dish Network subscribers losing access to the channels they have paid for. It’s actually a complete lie; here’s the real story:

Viacom own CBS, MTV, Comedy Central, Nickelodeon, and a bunch of other channels. Their contract with Dish Network was coming to an end. Their terms for the new contract were: (1) You pay us an extra 7%, and (2) You carry all of our channels as part of your basic lineup whether the customer wants them or not.

Dish Network balked at this. They know that customers are sick of having one humongous expensive package that contains dozens of channels they never watch. So, Dish said that they would drop the Viacom channels from their basic package—but that anybody who wanted them could pay the extra cost and get them.

Viacom threw a hissy fit, and said that if Dish didn’t force all their customers to pay for every Viacom channel whether they wanted them all or not, they wouldn’t be allowed to carry any Viacom channels—not even CBS, available over the airwaves for free to anyone with a wire loop antenna.

Dish still refused to back down, so Viacom started putting the scrolling messages on all their channels. In spite of the fact that it’s Viacom threatening to take the channels away from Dish Network subscribers, Viacom are lying that it’s Dish Network’s fault, and telling people to call Dish Network and complain. Dish’s response has been to file a lawsuit to try and prevent Viacom from using its media power to force people to buy its channels. Dish has also been covering up the lies with black rectangles.

Obviously I’m siding with Dish Network on this one. To get the handful of channels we watch, we have to pay for over 50 channels we never watch. I’d like to ditch those channels and use the money to pay for HBO instead, but it’s not going to happen unless someone stands up to companies like Viacom and Disney and forces them to let it happen. Disney pulls the same tricks—it forces the cable companies to make expensive Disney channels like ESPN part of the basic lineup, or else they’re not allowed to carry ABC.

Ironically, the Viacom channels are amongst those I’d pay to receive if I had the choice.

So, please spread the word, contact the FTC, whatever.

Sergeant Darin Snapp explains the circumstances surrounding the discovery of a dead body in one of the rooms of the Capri Motel, Kansas City:

“No formal identification has yet been made, but the motel manageress thinks it’s the body of the previous occupant of the room. She hadn’t seen the man for several days, and assumed that he’d run off without paying, so she rented the room out to a new guest. The dead man, wearing only a nun’s wimple and fishnet tights, was under the bed. The cleaning crew found it when they lifted the mattress, but you wonder how on earth they’d missed it when they’d prepared the room earlier, because the body was putrefying. The Capri has been closed down several times in the past for indecency and poor hygiene, and their cleaning routine clearly leaves a lot to be desired. But on the other hand, it is a very competitively priced motel with many facilities, including a gym and a pool table.”

—Quote from Fredricksburg News via Private Eye; story details reported in AP, ABC, etc.

In case anyone didn’t work it out, it was Internet performance art by Damali Ayo. See also an interview with the artist, an ABC feature, and a letter she wrote to friends and family.

According to the latest Harper’s magazine, several hundred apparently serious inquiries have been posted via the site; I suspect a charming educated black person could make a living by being a token-for-hire. Here are a couple:

Tell us about yourself: This is purely informational. I’ve never known a black person in my life and I’m soooo curious!
Event type: Individual
# of people at event: 1
Location: New York, N.Y.

Tell us about yourself: I am an executive at an oil and gas company and most of my colleagues are white. I am looking for diversity at our functions.
Event type: Private/Personal Gathering
# of people at event: 75
Description: Business networking event
Have you used black people before? Yes
Did you pay? I paid
Experience with black people? How many? Yes, 5
Experiences have been: Negative
Describe: Negative images on television

The artist should publish a book of all the responses…