Live from Austin!

Cherry blossoms fall
Snot bubbles out of my nose
Allergy season

I’ve realized that I have a problem. During my formative years I was effectively trained to associate gyms and locker rooms with misery, pain and humiliation. This makes it very difficult to maintain a regular exercise regime.

Oh, sure, there’s biking and walking. Unless it’s summer, when it’s too hot, or winter when it’s dark and wet and sometimes cold, or spring when I’m in allergy hell.

So I find myself thinking about exercise machines. As in, being able to exercise at home without having to deal with locker rooms, and listen to the iPod while doing so. The problem with that scenario is I know that most people who buy exercise machines proceed to let them sit and collect dust, and I’m not entirely convinced I’d do any better.

Spring is here, and the garden is bursting with new life. Oozing, wriggling and crawling with new life. We can broadly divide the contents of the garden into the following categories:

• Neoptera terreorus, or things which I am scared of. This category includes anything with more than 4 legs that is over 1cm in its largest dimension.

• Eukaryota mortis nausicam, or things which I am revolted by. This category includes piles of dead leaves, dead and rotting things, dessicated insects, and so on.

• Plantae gravatatem mortifera, or things which I am violently allergic to. This category apparently includes most other green things.

Nevertheless, the back garden was starting to look a hell of a mess, and something had to be done. What’s more, the front and back porches were covered in disgusting yellow tree jizz. Then, when I went out back to assess the situation, I found a paper wasp was building a nest so she could settle down and raise a few hundred children in the corner of our back porch.

Dead plant stems, caterpillars and wood are all plentiful around our back porch, so I could see why she was attracted to the neighborhood, but beneficial or not she was going to have to go.

First, though, I had to sweep the pollen off the decks and sweep the path. Clouds of dust were raised, and I think my sinuses were so outraged by my foolhardiness that they went into some sort of shock, as I felt OK. Next, I got the hose out and rinsed off the back deck. The wasp was easily rinsed away, but the nest required some brisk work with the yard brush.

By that point I was sweating, and I felt as though there were insects crawling all over my body. I came back indoors and took a shower. By then, my nose had worked out what was up it, and not even Zyrtec could alleviate the misery.

There’s no doubt about it, I am to gardening what Stephen Hawking is to synchronized swimming. I just need to accept that, and pay someone to sort the rest out.

Sara just found our first Texas cockroach. Meanwhile, I seem to be allergic to the Southern live oak, which is not exactly ideal given the location of our house.

On the plus side, the cockroach was nowhere near the kitchen, and my allergic reaction isn’t as bad as it was from being allergic to maple and living in New England.

Sara wants pets. I’m allergic to cats, and dogs need a lot of walking. Lizards and birds aren’t cuddly. Spiders can be furry, but we need a pet I can stand to be within sight of. So, our attention has been converging on mustela furo, the domestic ferret.

Of course, first I need to check I’m not allergic to ferrets. It has been known to happen. So tonight we went to an ‘exotic’ pet store, and I handled a ferret. I nuzzled up to it, nose and mouth to fur, and inhaled deeply a few times.

No allergic reaction. Looks like we’re OK to get mustelids once we get that house thing sorted out.

The company working on hypoallergenic cats has stopped the research, as a result of lack of funding. So, no cat for me, dammit.

I suppose I need to try sniffing some ferrets, to see if I’m allergic to them.

Well, I’m a couple of hours away from beta 2 of the new screensaver. Hopefully it’ll be out this weekend, followed by 1.0 some time before the movie’s release date. Pretty much everything is improved from beta 1.

I wish I could finish it now, but I really need sleep. I was so drowsy today… firstly because of the weather, secondly because I was dosed up on antihistamines so I could leave the house, and thirdly because the heating was still on at the office and it was 81F there. So tomorrow, I work from home.

It’s peak hayfever season for me. That’s what I get for living in New England and being allergic to maple. I woke up with my nose blocked, and resorted to the neti pot. It’s like a watering can, except it’s designed to be fitted nasally. You fill it with salty water at body temperature, hold your head sideways, stick the spout in the upper nostril, and pour.

If you do it right, all the nasty crap up your nose gets rinsed out into the sink. If you do it wrong, and your head isn’t at quite the right angle, all the nasty crap from up your nose gets washed down your throat, along with a generous helping of salt water. For this reason, it’s a good idea to practice with a clean nose before trying it for real.

The worst part is seeing what was up there as it slurps out and into the bathroom sink. I’m still trying to get that image out of my mind.