Live from Austin!

“CAPCOM to Nowak, prepare to begin pre-launch procedures.”

“Copied loud and clear, Houston.”

“Astronaut to confirm all required equipment and supplies have been loaded and stowed.”

“Trenchcoat—check… Wig—check… $600 in cash—check… Adult diapers—check… Rubber tubing—check… BB gun—check… Pepper spray—check… Steel mallet—check… 4″ knife—check… Latex gloves—check… Large garbage bags for disposing of body parts—check.”

“Checklist confirmed, you are cleared for 900 mile drive to Florida.”

According to Metro today, Israel’s first astronaut isn’t religious—but he will be taking along the first kosher astronaut rations.