Tag Archives: Biden

Change you can believe in

From: Joe Biden
To: Barack Obama
Subject: Changes to your positions on key issues

I’ve been taking a look at your web site. There are some changes you need to make if we’re ever going to win this thing.

  • Get rid of as many mentions of science as you can. That stuff scares the right-wing Christians.
  • Remove the paragraph about surveillance being conducted under the rule of law. It just looks embarrassing after your FISA vote.
  • Get rid of the stuff about providing opportunities for minorities to own TV and radio stations, or you’ll never get an interview on FOX.
  • Remove the talk of parental controls and filtering tools. Parents don’t want to be responsible for their children’s upbringing.
  • Get rid of the stuff about open government. A live feed of our meetings where we make important decisions? Are you nuts?
  • Get rid of the stuff about redefining broadband to be over 200kbps. The telecoms industry doesn’t want to roll out the fiber we paid them for.
  • Get rid of the paragraph about community use of the wireless spectrum, or the corporate radio stations will bury you.
  • Pull all the stuff about immigration reform. Immigrants can’t vote.
  • Remove the stuff about better enforcement of antitrust law.

Thanks in advance for your speedy compliance.

Joe

You were expecting Kucinich?

I’ve been a bit bemused by the anger over Obama picking Biden. It’s pretty obvious why he was the pick. Obama had been heavily criticized for (a) lack of experience, (b) being a secret Muslim, (c) being a drug user, and (d) shamelessly flip-flopping on the FISA vote.

Biden is (a) one of the longest-serving Democrats, (b) a devout Christian, (c) the guy who brought us the Drug Czar of the War On Drugs, and (d) one of the few Democrats to vote against FISA.

Yes, he voted for the Iraq war, but so did most of the Democrats. And in fairness, he tried to push through a motion saying that war was authorized only if all diplomatic channels failed, but it was shot down.

Of course, now the criticism has smoothly switched from "He has no experience" to "His VP choice has too much insider experience and doesn’t show a commitment to change".