Live from Austin!

FireRescue1 News:

When fire crews arrived to the blaze, which started at about 9:30 p.m. at 925 Jefferson Ave., they saw homeowner Darrell Moss lighting a fire outside his home, according to a police report.

The 57-year-old was naked and had red Magic Marker writing all over his chest and legs, with one drawing depicting a heart with an arrow through it, the report stated.

Fire personnel tried to get Moss away from the house because ammunition was going off inside, but he wouldn’t cooperate and started fighting with police.

Authorities had to restrain Moss by strapping him to an ambulance backboard, the report said.

He was later taken to Eastern Idaho Regional Medical Center - where he was combative with medical staff - and treated for smoke inhalation.

He remains hospitalized and listed in fair condition.

Police continue to investigate the incident and haven’t charged Moss, who according to the report had been in the hospital recently to receive treatment for mental problems.

I’m no expert, and this is just a guess, but I’m thinking the treatment was unsuccessful.

“CAPCOM to Nowak, prepare to begin pre-launch procedures.”

“Copied loud and clear, Houston.”

“Astronaut to confirm all required equipment and supplies have been loaded and stowed.”

“Trenchcoat—check… Wig—check… $600 in cash—check… Adult diapers—check… Rubber tubing—check… BB gun—check… Pepper spray—check… Steel mallet—check… 4″ knife—check… Latex gloves—check… Large garbage bags for disposing of body parts—check.”

“Checklist confirmed, you are cleared for 900 mile drive to Florida.”

I’ve encountered another of those real life true stories so bizarre that in a year’s time I’m probably going to think I dreamed it.

Herman Göring’s Nazi raccoons are invading Europe.

I think that’s even better than the Fanta story.

I don’t know which is more amazing—that the UK didn’t repeal the Witchcraft Act of 1735 until 1951, or that a woman was convicted of witchcraft in 1944.

“He wanted to go to a motel in the Bronx where I would defecate on him, but I told him I was uncomfortable going to the Bronx.”

—Gina Pane, professional dominatrix

Other choice quotes:

Among the evidence the prosecutor presented was the dominatrix’s own feces, which was tested in a lab.

“I have an economics degree from Manhattanville,” [Pane] said.

“I suggested that we go into a woody area. He was very excited.”

Pane said she stopped being a dominatrix in January, following her arrest and the ensuing notoriety that made it difficult for her to get clients or pursue her main goal of working for a hedge fund.

Woody area. Hedge fund. Is this a new euphemism?

I ordered a book online. It was dispatched from Dallas, TX, zip code 75199, on October 10th. It arrived a few minutes ago.

According to Google Maps, it traveled approximately 225 miles. It took 20 days to do so. That means it moved at an average speed of just under 0.5 mph.

A human can walk around 20 miles per day. So it would literally have been faster for me to walk to Dallas, buy the book, and walk back, resting in hotels along the way as necessary.

On a related note, we’ve shipped our Christmas gifts to the UK, so they should actually get there in time, and we didn’t have to pay a small fortune.

Can you get Cyrillic alphabetti spaghetti?

A week ago, there was a protest march for Zombie Rights at the Austin city hall.

Some pirates turned up to protest, with signs saying things like “Walkin’ dead ought to walk the plank”.

Pictures on Flickr.

Yahoo added this area where people ask (mostly dumb) questions, and anyone can offer their (frequently uninformed) answers.

It’s strangely addictive. It’s a bit like the Internet Oracle, without the stale old traditions said institution picked up over the years.

I tend to alternate between useful and bizarre/smartass answers. Some examples of the latter:

Q: What in your toilet can make the water blue? I haven’t put tabs in for months.

A: Is it an atomic toilet? If so, it could be Cherenkov Radiation.

Q: Is there a differance between the sound of an emergency vehicle in Italy and one in the U.S.?

A: Yes. The one in Italy will sound a lot quieter, because it’s very far away. Unless you’re in Europe, in which case the one in the USA will sound quieter.

Q: My 14 yr old son is always masturbating … I have also caught him with dirty movies. Is he going through a phase?

A: Yeah, it’s a phase men go through. It’ll stop when he hits 65 or so.

Q: Does anyone have chickens?

A: No, nobody does. Chickens are a myth perpetrated by the egg conspiracy.

Q: Is there a way to develop psychic intuition?

A: I think if you concentrate you’ll know the answer.

A UT professor took 50,000 nerve cells from a dog brain, and grew them in a petri dish.

Then he wired the micro-brain to an interface via 120 electrodes.

And then, of course, he taught it to play Quake 3.