Fanta ├╝ber alles

A few days ago I woke up and was thinking about caffeinated beverages, when I vaguely remembered how the current attempts to revive the Fanta brand were covering up the sinister secret–that Fanta was actually a drink invented specifically for Nazi Germany.

I mentioned this to sara. We laughed, both agreeing that it was obviously some crazy stuff I’d come up with in a dream.

Coke sponsoring the 1936 Nazi Olympics. Sales of Coke dropping after it was advertised as Kosher. The Nazis banning the importation of Coke syrup as a threat to Europe’s precious bodily fluids. Coca-Cola’s German operation coming up with Fanta as a drink more acceptable to the Third Reich. All completely ludicrous and very, very silly.

Except… it’s true. It’s all true. I’d obviously read about it somewhere, somewhen, and it had stuck in the back of my mind, only to surface like a bad dream.

Here’s another crazy stupid dream: Coca-Cola are setting up factories in villages across the country. As the Coke flows, the villagers realize the factory is sucking the village wells dry. Meanwhile, the factory pumps out a toxic sludge of lead, cadmium and chromium, source unknown. Eventually the local water supply is declared undrinkable, and all the villagers can do is drink Coke… or their bottled water product, Dasani.

It’s the half-remembered plot of a Ben Elton novel. No, wait, my mistake, it’s another actual news story. So’s the one about Coca Cola paying right-wing paramilitaries to kill troublesome union leaders and their families in Columbia.

This is it. This is the week when reality became so bizarrely horrific that I could no longer believe it was real.