Last driving lesson (not written about at the time) I was seriously stressed out after a day at work, and I made an unsafe turn. I was so ashamed.
Today I did the driving before work, and did far better. Three parallel parkings, a couple of three point turns, lots of tiny one-way streets with stop signs, and some excitement with an 18 wheeler and a UPS truck, but it all worked out.
Colin Fahey set out to take the SAT and get the lowest possible score. He didn’t quite make it. The thing I find interesting is that he writes about getting a sense of liberation and euphoria from going through a classic academic exam experience, in a situation where it could not matter less and the only pressure is to get everything wrong. It makes me wonder if it would be good therapy for those of us who have suffered PTSD from exams.
But the best part of all comes at the end:
If you are a high school student, please, for love of “The Man” and his “System”, DON’T do anything described in this article! Over the years you will discover that meaning in life is derived from being very employed and consuming as much as you can on weekends and your ten paid holidays. Doing poorly on the SAT jeopardizes your proper placement as a cog in the machine. The Man has many glorious gifts stored up for you in the System, and he desperately wants to give them to you, but when you stop conforming, The Man feels great sorrow, and may even have to punish you… I shouldn’t even be telling you these things, young Consumer. Just… No, that’s all I’m saying.
Well, I’m mostly packed. So far I’m reasonably calm. I think the nervousness about travelling is getting burnt out of me, now that I end up flying somewhere at least twice a year, rather than once every four or five years.
The new suitcases are definitely less capacious. Hopefully they’ll survive better and be impervious to jet fuel. I wish it wasn’t necessary to go with hard sided, but when sara’s case got doused in chemicals it was a bit of a wake-up call. That and the corners of the fabric cases were torn, so they needed replacing anyway.
No snow in Minnesota yet, I’m told. According to the forecast, it’s not going to be much colder than Boston has already been, which suits me fine.
Last week ended on a stressful note, as Ryan unexpectedly “left to pursue other opportunities”. Opportunities in a more external capacity; a horizontal promotion, as the euphemism goes. I wasn’t going to mention it, but since he’s posted the news publically in his journal, I suppose I can break silence a little.
The awkward thing for me is that I have no first-person knowledge of what happened or why; just a bunch of stories from people involved, and no real basis for deciding which to believe. I want to believe everyone, but the stories are (obviously) inconsistent. This makes it hard to do the right thing.
It’s all very bizarre and unpleasant, and I really don’t want to get involved. But at the same time, I’m kinda worried about Ryan. I’m not the only one concerned for him, and the atmosphere on Friday was very tense and unpleasant.
When I started at IBM I was very private. I’m a lot more relaxed now, though I still hold back from discussing all kinds of things with co-workers. I keep a rigid line between home and work e-mail, home and work web sites, and so on. I expect a few people think I’m just unfriendly, but after this past week I’m glad I’ve kept my mouth shut. I’m counting on the idea that if people want to read my web site or browse Usenet for my postings, it’s their own problem if they discover something that shocks or offends them.
It’s February 1st. My current “permanent” resident card expires on the 8th. I filed the paperwork in late November—you’re not allowed to file until 90 days before the card expires.
Unfortunately, the INS service center in Vermont is currently taking 4-5 months to send out receipts (according to the national service center), followed by another 9-10 months to process the paperwork. Since I rather need to be able to keep working, I asked the national service center person for suggestions, and was told to go visit the local INS office and ask for a temporary visa and work permit extension.
So this morning I set off to the JFK Federal Building in the red tape district. (So called because it used to be the red light district, before they kicked out the whores and moved in the politicians. Ah well, there goes the neighborhood…)
I got through security, waited in a line for about 15 minutes, and got a ticket saying I was number C443. Expected wait time was 51 minutes, it said. The woman on the ticket desk told me I’d need various bits of paperwork, and of course one of them was one I didn’t have with me.
Government Center to Davis and back. 51 minutes. The music from “Run Lola Run” started playing in my head.
I needn’t have worried. When I got back and through security again, about an hour later, the sign said “Now serving C434″. I sat and read Scientific American.
When it was my turn, things went relatively smoothly. I was amused by the fact that the passwords for all the computer systems were on a piece of paper in plain view. The guy behind the desk wasn’t sure what to do, and checked with the Chief Data Librarian (or something like that). She seemed pleased that I was doing everything by the book, and actually smiled. A few minutes later I had a couple of stamps in my passport, and I was legal for another year.
I got out of the building and noticed my hands were shaking. I know they’re just a bunch of bureaucrats, but the INS always scares the crap out of me. I called sara, and suddenly realized I’d left my umbrella in the building.
Back through the security scan I went. I dashed back to the waiting room and retrieved my umbrella, and started mentally checking I hadn’t forgotten anything else. Wallet—check. Palm—check. Keys—uh…
I ran back to the security checkpoint, and told the guard I had left my keys there. Since this was my fourth visit, chances are he was starting to recognize me. I got the keys back, and did another inventory. All articles present and correct, I left the building for the last time.
After that, not much. I had lunch with sara then returned home to finish some work.
Woke up this morning with chest pains. Felt like I’d overdosed on Ventolin, but I hadn’t taken any in over a month. My back was also sore, probably the weather. The chest pain’s still with me this evening, but it has slowly shifted to my shoulder blades.
I’m thinking it may be stress. I had chest pains like this during exams at school, culminating with passing out briefly during a mathematics exam. Right now I’m worrying about my Green Card—it expires on February 8th, and I haven’t received anything from the INS. I sent my paperwork in as demanded in November, and they received it and cashed the check. I suppose tomorrow I’ll have to call them up and ask what’s happening.
I’m a nervous traveler. I’ve been to Belgium, Canada, France, Germany (including the former East, just after the wall came down), Italy, Luxembourg, Russia, Spain, and of course various places in the USA. Including rural Alabama, which is pretty damn scary. I’ve survived it all, but nevertheless, I’m still a nervous traveler.
It’s not the plane flight. Once I’m on the plane, I’m fine. I can relax, because everything is now someone else’s problem. No, it’s everything leading up to the plane flight.
Unfortunately, I have to face four plane flights in the next two months—a trip to Minnesota, and a business trip to DisneyWorld (yes, really). With alleged extra airport security hassle to increase my stress levels. I got my first attack of nervousness this afternoon.