How to look German

Hamburg sits on the Elbe river, a few kilometers inland. A cunning tax dodge in 1189 propelled it into becoming Europe’s second largest port, and a world class red light district soon followed, surrounded by dive bars and seedy nightclubs. These days the city is keener to present the area through rose-tinted John Lennon glasses, omitting to mention that the Beatles played the Star-Club mostly because they couldn’t get a paying gig anywhere else in 1962.

The Elbe is apparently pretty deep, because the Queen Mary 2 was there. She’s the largest ocean liner in the world, making the Titanic look small in comparison. She takes around 7 days to cross the Atlantic, at a price of $1000+. Mind you, that’s not much more than we paid for our tickets, and if they have broadband on the ship I wouldn’t even need to use up vacation days on the crossing. I bet the food’s nicer than Continental. If they toned down the swanky ballrooms a bit and made it cheaper, they could have a compelling business proposition. But I digress.

No, this is not from The Onion

Abercrombie & Fitch have introduced thongs for ten year old girls. The designs feature the words “eye candy” in a small pink heart. Their company spokesman said: “It’s not appropriate for a 7-year-old, but it is appropriate for a 10-year-old.” He explained that there are a lot of fashionable ten year old girls who are worried about visible panty lines when they wear their skin-tight pants. Prediction for 2003: Tommy Hilfiger crotchless panties; GAP Kids introduces latex line.