Help me find a subculture

I’m too lighthearted to be a goth. I’m too cynical to be a hippy. I’m too laidback to be a punk. I’m too old to be a raver. I’m too white to be a rapper. I’m too asthmatic to be a jazz cat. I’m too smart to be heavy metal. I’m too bored by endless guitar noodling to be a Deadhead. I’m too clean to be grunge.