Those wacky Republicans

Here are some of the plots against the Republican party being planned by the evil liberal menace, according to Bernadette Malone, a columnist for the National Review and other right-wing publications: Releasing swarms of mice to terrorize delegates. Dressing up as RNC volunteers and giving false directions to old ladies. Hiring prostitutes with AIDS to seduce Republican visitors and persuade them that they don’t need to use condoms. I hope Crystal remembered to pack the mice.