According to the newspapers, the terror alert level has been raised because Al Qaeda is planning a devastating attack on America’s beaches.
My first thought was “Huh?” because a large open space like a beach is too well ventilated for a biological warfare attack, it’s easy to evacuate, it typically doesn’t have huge demolishable buildings nearby, and if there’s a major fire you can jump in the ocean. After a bit of thought, however, I’ve come up with…
Al Qaeda’s Top Ten Ideas For Causing Terror At The Beach
Infiltrate convenience stores, sneakily shake all cans of soda before sale.
Stand in ocean near victims and urinate.
Sneak M-80s into American sandcastles.
Drive SUVs around to cause global warming until tides flood beach.
Hand out free thongs to obese Americans.
Spray aerosols into the air to destroy the ozone layer and increase skin cancer.
Swim around in water with triangular fin strapped to back.
Deploy giant robot feet to kick sand in beachgoers’ faces.
Slightly increase level of e.coli bacteria in ice cream and hot dog vendors’ carts.
Persuade mighty Cthulhu to rise up from the ocean depths.